Okay I am bullshiting right now. I have not been eating the way I suppose to. One of the reason is because I am living with my Aunt and I try not to be in the way too much so I never cook anymore. I am in the process of buying a house and that has put tremendous stress on me! The damn mortgage company want everything including my medical records.
It was not a good idea to drop the trainer, but I was afraid that I could not lose the mandatory 3lbs a week. I just wanted to avoid feeling like a loser. I would have beat myself up if he kicked me out of the program so I chose to leave on my own. I promise once this house is behind me I will get my shit together.
I am still walking every morning pretty regularly but eating right is 80% of losing weight. After the 4th of July I will join weight watchers. Money is really tight right now and we all know that money is needed to buy that high ass healthy food. I always wondered why the food high in cholesterol, sodium, fat and starch all cheap and the foods that will help you live longer cost more?
Just keep me in ya prayers cuz I am dealing with a lot and I steal need to lose this damn weight. Right now I weigh 203 which is not bad but by the end of Aug I need to be at least 190. I'll keep ya posted
OMG I went to my friends wedding two weeks ago and I was totally disguised by the pics of me. There were so many beautifully shaped women at the ceremony I just could not help but compare myself. All of the pics of me looked bloated and full. My boobs looked like I had to people in the head lock, my face looked like the pillsbury dough boy. I did not feel pretty at all. I deleted most of the pics of myself off of my camera. At times I do go through periods of low self esteem. I blame the weight but sometimes I wonder if it really just me.
I have friends who are fat and pretty. They are proud to be fat and don't give a damn what people think. I have been over weight for about 8 yrs.... before that I was always 140lbs and under.
I created the blog to be honest about my feeling and my inner struggles with weight. It really helps me to get out instead of holding it in all the time. Plus it's good to share your thoughts with others sometimes.
Losing weight is just the 1/2 of it!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Update
I have been extremely busy lately and I have not posted as frequently as normal. Well let me squeeze it all in one post. Well first of all I am still working out but as my schedule gets crazy I am not working out as often. Last week I only worked out three times and my eating habits have slipped a bit. I am still eating healthy during the week but this weekend was a total wash. I ate McDonalds, Churches Chicken, loaded potatoes, crab cakes and other crap. Yes I feel guilty but this weekend was my friend's wedding and I did not want to worry about what I ate. Tomorrow I will be back on the grind trying to lose this weight. I do not want to regret letting my trainer go, so I gotta get more disciplined about my food intake.
Speaking of my friend's wedding I took pictures of the ceremony and some pictures of myself. When I looked at the pictures of myself I was not happy. Although I am losing weight I still look huge in photographs. Sometimes I see pictures of myself and I think......is that me? The pictures look nothing like my mirror image. I hate to admit it but the pictures disgusted me...I hated what I saw. I did not feel beautiful at all. I know it's not good to pick yourself apart but that was the way I felt.
I am good at spending a good amount of money on make-up, hair and clothes. I dress up the outside as much as possible because at times I do not feel confindant about the weight that I carry on my body.
I knew when I starting my weight loss process there would be ups and downs, highs and lows. I know I can be a bit emotional about my weight but I want to be honest and this blog is about sharing this stuggle with the world.
Speaking of my friend's wedding I took pictures of the ceremony and some pictures of myself. When I looked at the pictures of myself I was not happy. Although I am losing weight I still look huge in photographs. Sometimes I see pictures of myself and I think......is that me? The pictures look nothing like my mirror image. I hate to admit it but the pictures disgusted me...I hated what I saw. I did not feel beautiful at all. I know it's not good to pick yourself apart but that was the way I felt.
I am good at spending a good amount of money on make-up, hair and clothes. I dress up the outside as much as possible because at times I do not feel confindant about the weight that I carry on my body.
I knew when I starting my weight loss process there would be ups and downs, highs and lows. I know I can be a bit emotional about my weight but I want to be honest and this blog is about sharing this stuggle with the world.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Monday Weigh In
Well it's weigh in time and I gain weight! This week I ate like I had no sense. Sometimes I just want to be a regular person and eat what I want to eat when I want to eat it. Saturday I enjoyed Mexican food that was filled to the brim with fat calories then to top it off I had and XXL mango margarita. On Sunday I ate MacDonald's and an apple pie on the side.
I did not go shopping last week so I ate on the run. Eating on the run is never good for me, it causes me to eat casually and leads to ...........weight gain. I gained a2.5lbs and I am not going to spend time beating myself up. For the most part I only eat chicken and fish but lately even the chicken feels heavy in my digestive system. I ate chicken yesterday and it feels like it's still in my intestinal track. This week I am going to detox. This includes flooding my body with fruits, vegetables and water only. I know this is going to be extremely hard but it has to be done.
BTW I fired the trainer. I still will workout on my own 5-6x a week. But right now I do not like the way he makes overweight women feel about themselves.
Have a happy Monday
I did not go shopping last week so I ate on the run. Eating on the run is never good for me, it causes me to eat casually and leads to ...........weight gain. I gained a2.5lbs and I am not going to spend time beating myself up. For the most part I only eat chicken and fish but lately even the chicken feels heavy in my digestive system. I ate chicken yesterday and it feels like it's still in my intestinal track. This week I am going to detox. This includes flooding my body with fruits, vegetables and water only. I know this is going to be extremely hard but it has to be done.
BTW I fired the trainer. I still will workout on my own 5-6x a week. But right now I do not like the way he makes overweight women feel about themselves.
Have a happy Monday
Friday, May 8, 2009
Trainer Debate
I have been very busy sorry for not posting daily. Okay here is the dilemma. My trainer gets on my damn nerves. We are having issues because according to his scale I am not losing weight but according to my scale the weight is coming off. My scale says I am at 207... his scale says I am at 212. Now his scale has been saying 212 for about 3 weeks, on the other hand my scale says I am losing the weight. His scale is an electronic scale but is not by no means the best scale one can buy. It's a $12.00 scale from Walmart! My scale is a regular scale (paid $8.00 for it at Walmart) and it works fine. Both scales were synchronized until the 3 weeks ago. I'm not sure what happened but something happen!
I am also a bit upset that he constantly takes about expanding his business during my work out time. I spend 1 hour with home 3-4 days a week and he spends 35 minutes talking. Then he had the gall to tell me that in the contract it says if I don't lose 3lbs a week consistently he can end the contact. I understood this when I took him on has a trainer but this scale issue is causing a BIG problem.
In the past I've lost 30lbs without the help of a trainer. I must admit that it took about 6 months to lose the weight and it came off extra slow......but it did come off.
I think next week may be my last week with the trainer, cause at this point we are simply not getting along.
I'm still eating pretty well, but this week I've had more slip ups that I can count. It's hard eating healthy all the time. My co-workers are constantly bringing in food and I try to stay strong but I do fall prey from time to time.
Check out my pic I am losing weight in my face (yay)
I am also a bit upset that he constantly takes about expanding his business during my work out time. I spend 1 hour with home 3-4 days a week and he spends 35 minutes talking. Then he had the gall to tell me that in the contract it says if I don't lose 3lbs a week consistently he can end the contact. I understood this when I took him on has a trainer but this scale issue is causing a BIG problem.
In the past I've lost 30lbs without the help of a trainer. I must admit that it took about 6 months to lose the weight and it came off extra slow......but it did come off.
I think next week may be my last week with the trainer, cause at this point we are simply not getting along.
I'm still eating pretty well, but this week I've had more slip ups that I can count. It's hard eating healthy all the time. My co-workers are constantly bringing in food and I try to stay strong but I do fall prey from time to time.
Check out my pic I am losing weight in my face (yay)
Monday, April 27, 2009
Monday Weigh In
Well I ran and in addition to working out 5 days this week and only lost one frigging pound. This really pisses me off because I am trying to do right but it seems like my body is so slow to respond. I can’t lie and say that I did not slip up and eat things there were not apart of my meal plan, but damn it should not be enough to hold up the progress. Okay … Through out the week I ate a ½ of a piece of bacon, a handful of sunflower seeds, a ½ cup of generic cheez-its, drank 2 diet Pepsis and 1 regular Pepsi. Now, it’s not like I ate this stuff everyday, just a lil here and there.
95% of the time I ate chicken, veggies, yogurt, special k cereal, slim fast , cottage cheese and protein bars. Is my body so attached to fat that a ½ of a piece of bacon will make it hold on to the fat?…………Really. I’m sorry but I can not eat good 100% of the time everyday. My trainer says that I have to go cold turkey and stop eating things that are bad for my body. He says my cravings are too bad and once I start giving in I will find myself giving in more often.
Okay I can believe that to a certain extent. However, it’s not realistic people should be able to enjoy anything with moderation. I understand I am trying to lose 80lbs and moderation may not be in my vocabulary right now………..but damn can I get a break sometimes.
To make matters worse I went to the doctor and she would not take me off the high blood pressure medicine. My blood pressure dropped 40 points but she says it’s still a bit high. I get so frustrated sometimes; this weight just seems to come off so slow. It steals my motivation. Well I guess I have to push pass this and keep trying.
So as of today I am at 209lbs. I am trying to be at 184 by Aug 30th, 2009
95% of the time I ate chicken, veggies, yogurt, special k cereal, slim fast , cottage cheese and protein bars. Is my body so attached to fat that a ½ of a piece of bacon will make it hold on to the fat?…………Really. I’m sorry but I can not eat good 100% of the time everyday. My trainer says that I have to go cold turkey and stop eating things that are bad for my body. He says my cravings are too bad and once I start giving in I will find myself giving in more often.
Okay I can believe that to a certain extent. However, it’s not realistic people should be able to enjoy anything with moderation. I understand I am trying to lose 80lbs and moderation may not be in my vocabulary right now………..but damn can I get a break sometimes.
To make matters worse I went to the doctor and she would not take me off the high blood pressure medicine. My blood pressure dropped 40 points but she says it’s still a bit high. I get so frustrated sometimes; this weight just seems to come off so slow. It steals my motivation. Well I guess I have to push pass this and keep trying.
So as of today I am at 209lbs. I am trying to be at 184 by Aug 30th, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Weigh In
Sorry that I could not make a post on Monday. I was extremely busy. Well let me tell you the story. My scale at home says I lost 2lbs.... my trainer scale says I stayed the same (212lbs). He says his scale is the the only one that counts, I say bullshit! First of all I weigh myself naked at home and at the gym they require me to wear clothes (lol), secondly my scale has been consistent with his scale until yesterday. I'm going to believe my scale... because I have been busting my butt too hard to maintain. I'm not even going to mention that my cycle started and I could be retaining water. I honestly believe I lost those two pounds.......that is my story and I am sticking to it.
My goal is to weigh in at 207 by next Monday. I know it is a stretch but I want to at least try. If I believe my scale it will only be a three pound weight loss and I can do that. To help me reach this goal I jog/fast walk 1.5 miles after my workout. If this goes well I will incorporate it into my workout permanently.
My trainer wants me and Brittany to workout at night too! But I do not have time or energy at night to work out. I work the middle shift 10:30a-7:00p and by the time I get home it's 8 o'clock at night. I can't fit that workout in my night. I get up a 5:00am to go train at 6:00am. I need at least 7 hours of sleep to have energy for the next day, So I thought the additional walk in the morning would be perfect.
BTW cousin Brittany lost 4lbs this week. Whoo Hoo........... Get it Girl!
My goal is to weigh in at 207 by next Monday. I know it is a stretch but I want to at least try. If I believe my scale it will only be a three pound weight loss and I can do that. To help me reach this goal I jog/fast walk 1.5 miles after my workout. If this goes well I will incorporate it into my workout permanently.
My trainer wants me and Brittany to workout at night too! But I do not have time or energy at night to work out. I work the middle shift 10:30a-7:00p and by the time I get home it's 8 o'clock at night. I can't fit that workout in my night. I get up a 5:00am to go train at 6:00am. I need at least 7 hours of sleep to have energy for the next day, So I thought the additional walk in the morning would be perfect.
BTW cousin Brittany lost 4lbs this week. Whoo Hoo........... Get it Girl!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Hey Family and Friends,
Yesterday I heard that Southwest will be requiring people too large to fit in one seat to purchase two seats. This policy is a bit discriminating to me….no it’s not because I’m a bit overweight that I feel this way. But for many people being overweight is like a disease, everyone is not fat because they can’t push away from the plate.
America is battling the fat attack. We are one of the fattest countries in the world, yet we create rules and ad campaigns that go against what we really are. Plus, when I fly on Southwest I expect a crappy flight. I’ve never been on one of their planes and had an excellent experience. Hell at my full weight of 224lbs I barely had room to fit comfortably in the seats on a Southwest plane. They have everyone crammed in the plane like sardines.
This police sucks and I do not agree with it. I know that it may be uncomfortable for some but if you are paying 49.00 to fly to Denver who cares if you have to seat next to a fat lady. If you wanted to fly in comfort you should’ve flew on American…Delta…Jet Blue… or caught the train.
BTW I missed two days of training this week. I hope this does not affect my weigh in on Monday. I do not want to hear the trainer bitching at me for not showing up. I had to work a different shift on Thursday and today…..well I just did not feel like getting up at 5:00am to workout. I felt bad the entire morning. Not to mention Brittany didn’t work out either. Sometimes I get lazy and have to snap myself out of the lazy spell. Well it’s back on and cracking tomorrow.
Yesterday I heard that Southwest will be requiring people too large to fit in one seat to purchase two seats. This policy is a bit discriminating to me….no it’s not because I’m a bit overweight that I feel this way. But for many people being overweight is like a disease, everyone is not fat because they can’t push away from the plate.
America is battling the fat attack. We are one of the fattest countries in the world, yet we create rules and ad campaigns that go against what we really are. Plus, when I fly on Southwest I expect a crappy flight. I’ve never been on one of their planes and had an excellent experience. Hell at my full weight of 224lbs I barely had room to fit comfortably in the seats on a Southwest plane. They have everyone crammed in the plane like sardines.
This police sucks and I do not agree with it. I know that it may be uncomfortable for some but if you are paying 49.00 to fly to Denver who cares if you have to seat next to a fat lady. If you wanted to fly in comfort you should’ve flew on American…Delta…Jet Blue… or caught the train.
BTW I missed two days of training this week. I hope this does not affect my weigh in on Monday. I do not want to hear the trainer bitching at me for not showing up. I had to work a different shift on Thursday and today…..well I just did not feel like getting up at 5:00am to workout. I felt bad the entire morning. Not to mention Brittany didn’t work out either. Sometimes I get lazy and have to snap myself out of the lazy spell. Well it’s back on and cracking tomorrow.
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